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Anipal Jokes

     
           THIS COMIC IS FOR CALLUM!!


  WINNER OF THE 2009 ANIPAL JOKE CONTEST!  
WAY TO GO, CALLUM!!

Hope you enjoy this special edition Midge comic to comemorate your awesome
joke-telling skills!


CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WINNER OF THE ANIMAL JOKE CONTEST AND WINNER OF
CO-STARING ROLE IN A MIDGE COMIC -

@fergusthedog's boy CALLUM!!!

JOKE: Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.



HONORABLE MENTION GOES TO - @pntbrtkisses and @elguapito!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! AS HONORABLE MENTIONS YOU BOTH SHARE AN APPEARANCE WITH MIDGE IN A COMIC -

And here it is!! -



@pntbtrkisses
JOKE: They crossed a Spitz and a Chow-Chow. The new breed is a Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.

@elguapito
JOKE: what do an ankle and a bottle of tequila have in common? @elguapito will take a leetle nip out of both of them.


CONGRATULATIONS!!!
And thanks to ALL who entered!

"The decision was tougher than the kibble Melissa feeds me!" - to quote Midge

THESE ARE ALL THE JOKES ENTERED:

BrewskieButt
JOKE: How deep is a frog hole? Knee-deep. Knee-deep.

Caplin Rous
JOKE:



CosmoHavanese
JOKE: (get ready)... a-hem, *clears throat* A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, @CosmoHavanese trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at Cosmo and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." Cosmo jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." Cosmo jumped down again and went to the computer. THe dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and social media skills and produced a sample spreadsheet and created a fan page for for the manager's business. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize
that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." Cosmo jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to bilingual." The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

CosmoHavanese
JOKE: I was in a doggie bar having a cool one and overheard the following: A fine-looking female Treeing Walker Coonhound named @SylvieDog walked up to three studly pups named @LouPeb (the Lou part) @BabyHaroldK and @Fergusthedog. So Sylvie says to the three, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have my cookies from @Laineyspawtique." So Fergus says, "I love liver and cheese." Sylvie says, "That's not good enough." Lou says, "I have liver and cheese." Sylvie says, "That's not creative." Finally the BabyHarold says, "Liver alone....cheese mine!"

CosmoHavanese
JOKE: And speaking of Sports... During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of
note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the
start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

Fergusthedog
JOKE: Two kangaroos were living in a zoo pen with a 20-foot high fence. One morning, both kangaroos were found wandering around the zoo, and were quickly put back in their pen, and the fence height was increased to 30 feet. The next morning, they were found outside again,
so the fence was increased to 40 feet high. This kept happening and the fence got up to 60 feet high, and the kangaroos still kept getting out. One kangaroo says to the other, "How high will they make this fence, do you think?" "Don't know," says the second. "Depends when they discover the gate's not locked."

Fergusthedog
JOKE: A cat went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking. "The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could
just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again." God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked her how she was and if she liked heaven. The cat replied, "Oh, it is wonderful. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"

gabbygecko aka Pea
JOKE: There's this guy that goes to his front door to pick up his newspaper. He opens the door, bends down to pick it up, and notices there is a small snail sitting next to the newspaper, just as peaceful as can be. Without even thinking, the guy picks up the snail and hurls him into the bushes. Two years later there's a knock at that same guy's door. He goes to the door, opens it and looks around, but no one is there. So he closes the door and walks back inside. Seconds later, there's another knock. He opens the door again, looks down and there's the snail. The snail looks up at him, and says "Hey! What was that all about?"

iTrixie (pappup)
JOKE: Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A: To get to the Shell station

LouPeb
JOKE: It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was going on down there. "It's slow here, too", said Satan "Well," God said, "I think a dog show might be fun." "Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You've got all the dogs up there." "I know," answered God, "But you've got all the judges."

LouPeb
JOKE : A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

LouPeb
JOKE: The Difference Between Dogs and Cats A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of meâ?¦ They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of meâ?¦ I must be a God!

MugsyDog
JOKE: Mugsy's joke: I like poo! It's funny because it's true.

Pengee from @vinylhounds
JOKE: A man takes his dog to the vet because it has a lump on its nose. The vet looks at the lump and tells the man, "This lump is serious. We'll have to remove it right away." After the surgery, the vet returns the dog to the man with a bandage around its snoot. "Did you get it
all?" the man asked. "Yes," the vet replied, "but I'm afraid we had to remove your dog's nose as well." "You removed his nose?!" the man asked. "Well, how will he smell?" The vet looks at man and says, "The same as he always did - we can't change his odor."

Pengee from @vinylhounds
JOKE: Why did Midge cross the road? Because Midge'll follow a chicken anywhere!

@pitbull_love
JOKE: Why didn't Obama adopt a pit bull? ... cuz it reminded him of Sarah Palin ----

Ruby
JOKE: How can you tell a dog from a jar of peanut butter? The dog doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.

THANKS AGAIN, GUYS, FOR ALL YOUR JOKES!! LMTOs ALL AROUND!! AND ROTFL!!

Take a bow, everyone!

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