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Ask Midge

Midge.
I have an uncontrollable urge to eat my own poo. Its such a bad habit Im starting to eat others poo. I watch A and E Intervention but they never do a show on Poo addicts. THX for the help. PJ


Dear PJ
Don't despair, PJ. I myself have been battling an addiction of vomit-eating for some time now (also not mentioned on Intervention). I have a few suggestions. The first is - eat pineapple. It is supposed to make poo taste less delectable. (I learned this from a dog behaviorist.) My second suggestion is - poo on an electric pad. (Be careful not to touch your butt to it.) If you try to eat the poo, you'll get a shock and shock therapy usually has good results. If the previous suggestions fail - try not pooing at all. Drastic, I know. But desparate times call for desparate measures. Good luck, PJ. My thoughts are with you.




Dear Midge,
I got invited to a bachelorette party for a girl I know. I've never been to a bachelorette
party before,
so I don't know what out-
fit is best for
the occasion.
What should I
wear?
Aimmee

Dear Aimmee,
The answer is simple - GO NAKED! It works for every
occasion! I don't know why
you humans wear clothes in the first place....

Dear Midge,
I would like to ask some advice..
My brother stuffed rabbit refuses to wear pants. He spends most of the day sitting on the human's pillows, so when they go to sleep, the pillow smells funny. How can I get him to wear pants? or perhaps just not fart on the pillows?

Thanks
Stuffed Rabbit


Dear Stuffed Rabbit,
Hmm...usually I am an advocate to going pants-less, but I understand your conundrum. A gaseous rabbit's rear is a force to be reckoned with.
Perhaps you could hog-tie him and force him into a pair of pants.... Otherwise, you could try slipping your brother some Beano - although my best recommend- ation is to fill the pillow with rocks during the day - then he won't want to sit on them! - especially without wearing pants!If all else fails, I have a cork you can borrow........

Dear Midge,
I would like to ask some advice...
I have some sticky brown coloured stuff stuck in my fur.. what would you
recommend that I do to remove this? It is uncomfortable when I sit down,
as the fur catches..

Thanks!
Annonymous (hehehe....yah, you know it's me..)

Dear Anonymous (yes, I know it's you! *wink*), 

That does sound uncomfortable..I recommend letting me chew that out of your fur for you....*drools*


Dear Midgee,
I busted my mommys favorit picture! She is gona be real mad at me!
HeLP ME!
Luv,
Hugh

Dear Hugh,
Just blame it on the guinea pig! It always works for me!

Dear Midgee,
I dont hav a ginee pig
Luv,
Hugh

Dear Hugh,
Brother, sister,
cat - they're all the same;
whatever's
convenient.

dear midge,
Please help a Klutz. I splill my water bowl and track mud all over the
carpets. last week I peed on my humans new sofa. None of my friends are so
clumsy. Please help. Because this is so embarassing I will only sign........
Klutzy the ballerina

Dear Klutzy,
Fear not! Yours is not a true problem. Being clumsy is great! It irritates humans, but because you're not doing it on purpose, they can't yell at you! So, to you I say - Be clumsy and be proud of it!

Dear Midge,
My mommy and daddy just brought home a new baby. Now all they do is take care of the baby. I feel really left out. I just want them to pay more attention to me. What should I do?
Thanks,
Georgie


Dear Georgie,
Hmmm..........
When I want attention I just pee on the carpet....

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